Ready To Social Distance Date? Update Your Dating Profile
I have been chatting with this guy on Match.com for awhile now and he does not want to meet in person till after the pandemic is over! This could be next year sometime!! I don't think i can chat online that long without seeing him in person. I think he is over reacting as i told him that we can both wear masks and not touch. Also he goes to work everyday and runs errands too. So its not like he is just totally isolated. What should i do?
While I wholeheartedly agree with your logic, I do think some people are performing the bare minimum tasks, like running errands, and then otherwise staying home. And that's okay! What's not okay is actively swiping and messaging on a dating app or online dating site with no intention of ever meeting someone. If that's the case for some people - and it's perfectly valid if it is - then I would suggest updating your dating profile to make it clear just how much you're able to invest time-wise at the moment. Bumble, I believe, has a basic stat option called COVID-19 Dating where members are encouraged to specify if they will be dating virtually only, socially distant with a mask or socially distant without one.
If the platform you're using doesn't allow you to select a COVID-19 Dating option, put it in your dating app bio or dating profile about me summary. It can be as simple as "Open to socially distant dating with/without mask."If you're going to use dating sites and dating apps during this time, don't waste people's time if you know you will not be meeting them any time in the near future. (And LOL to his "until the pandemic is over" response. So, like, 2021?)
No Time For Time-Wasters
Unfortunately, it's time for you to disengage with this man. He hasn't been respectful of your time or your feelings since you first started communicating. Even if there weren't a pandemic to contend with, texting for more than 1-2 days without setting up a video or off-line date is discouraged. My gut feeling is that he's using COVID as an excuse and never planned on meeting up with you in the first place.
To avoid engaging people like this, suggest a video chat after you and they have exchanged 4-5 messages each. Definitely no more than 10. That would be my limit. If they say no, they are wasting your time.
Learning To Be Lonely
I understand the need to maintain a sense of connection during these times, I really do. To be honest, I don't blame people for still being on dating apps during COVID. They want a distraction and a sense of normalcy. They also probably want to feel less isolated. Isolation is a trigger for many people and can exacerbate a person's mental illness.
Seeking avenues for connection isn't just acceptable, it's necessary. If you take a tour of Evenbrite, you can probably find a bunch of virtual discussions and group activities to help yourself feel less alienated. Meetup also has a number of groups that host online activities and discussion groups. Personally, I prefer activities that encourage interaction from all attendees. You can even just participate in an anonymous online forum like Seven Cups. If you're a TV nerd like me, you can create an account over at Primetimer and discuss your favorite TV shows. Join Twitter and follow live streams of TV shows or current Netflix binges. You can interact with people there, too. Obviously, be safe, don't use your real name or photo, never reveal anything identifiable and don't feed the trolls.
Decide If You're Ready To Socially Distance Date
I strongly urge you to update your bio to let people know how you plan to proceed given current times. If you're not ready, be upfront about that in your profile. If it's virtual sexual gratification you're looking for, that's okay, too! Just make sure you and your match are on the same page. You can still use apps like Tinder and Bumble during the pandemic, you just have to be more communicative about what you can offer at this time.
Good luck...and wear a mask!
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