Name: Leyna Question: I am a straight woman who is fuck buddies with my hot, younger male coworker (30). The sexual tension between us was out of control until we stayed late one night last week and screwed on the desk. Since that night, we've hooked up a few more times.
Problem is - and there always is one - that he has a live- in girlfriend. He told me they are in an open relationship so being with me isn't cheating. As per their arrangement, he won't tell her about me but if she finds out he won't lie.
How do I know if he's telling me the truth or if he is saying these things just so I'll sleep with him? She comes to work events with him and I feel guilty because she is a sweet woman who obviously adores him.
Also, being coworkers adds another layer of issues as we could get caught. We are peers but I've been at the company longer. We are both well-liked and respected.
Sex between us is amazing and because we don't have much else in common (He shows up at work a lot with a hangover and I'm usually in bed by 10) so I would never consider him romantically. I'd love to keep seeing him for sex but I'd feel bad if I helped him hurt someone else. Age: 50
So, let's first address the obvious:
Sleeping with your co-worker? Not smart. It's one thing if there's a true romantic connection, but to jeopardize your career over a fling is dangerous. As a woman - especially an older one - you'll be the one ostracized should this news get out.
Now let's talk about this man-child you're hooking up with. Most open relationships have some very clear boundaries, like no sleeping with an Ex, no having sex in the bed you share with your partner, etc. I find it highly suspect this guy would have sex with someone not only that he works with, but sees every day. Usually couples agree to a certain amount of distance between themselves and their extra-curricular sexual activity. So, my take on that situation is that he's lying.
The next hot take I have is that someone who would bring their partner around the person with whom they are sleeping/cheating with is just a bad person. Thoughtless, insensitive and, frankly, abusive. That's a guy who either wants to get caught or who enjoys the thrill of having two women he's currently sleeping with in close proximity of each other. It's gross.
I'm going to call you out on your expressed concern for his girlfriend. You knew she existed long before you slept with him. You waived your right to play the concerned mistress. Now, whether or not you are responsible to or for her is debatable. Personally, I don't think it's your job to keep another woman's man faithful. It's not her responsibility, either. It's his. So let's not let this guy or any guy like him off the hook. He's responsible for his partner's happiness.
You're a woman, which means you can get laid easily. Yes, it's hard to find that kind of explosive sexual chemistry. But remember this: usually, when we have that kind of intense connection, it's because dysfunction is part of the equation. It's hot with this guy because it's taboo. It's also hot because he's younger and there's a sense of accomplishment involved because of the age difference.
Go to Hinge, go to Bumble, go to Tinder...go to any available dating app and look for a younger guy for a fling. Get your groove back in a way that isn't so messy, because when this blows up - and it will! - he will walk away with this with barely a scratch. It will be you and his ex that suffer true damage.